Similarities Between Learning Salsa Dance And Managing Relationships

Learning salsa dance and managing relationships? What could be similar between them? Through my limited experience, I have realised that one could understand their partner better by dancing with them. That’s because in any relationship, partners need to dance together like a team through the various ups and downs of life to be happy. It’s less about depending on your partner and more about finding freedom together. Dance can teach us to love unconditionally. Dancing is also a great workout that keeps your heart healthy.

Why salsa and not any other partner dance, like the hot and spicy Tango or the slow and classy waltz? It is easier to learn in comparison to other Latin or partner dance styles. The rules that partners need to follow in salsa dancing are very similar to what couples have to face in relationships.

Looking at relationships like a salsa dance is not that unusual when you are trying to understand your partner. Life is definitely not all fun, music, and entertainment.

Life and people are complex. Relationships challenge us to accept each other’s differences without compromising our basic values or sacrificing our careers. Relationships test our patience. They only last so long when we meet the person who understands us and accepts us the way we are. The ups and downs of life may or may not be overwhelming, but being there for each other through everything is important.

Moreover, people are constantly changing according to the situation and growing older. And yet, when we look at the smiles of the elderly couples who have grown old together, everything seems simple. We all want our happily ever after.

What dance teaches us is not that different. Something that looks impossible is actually not that complicated if we give it time and practise together.

Overcoming insecurities 

We all have strengths and weaknesses that our partners clearly know about. The way we grew up has a big part in shaping the type of personality we have. There are some fears that we can easily share with our partners. Other fears are so ingrained in our personalities that we may not be ready to acknowledge them. And insecurities often manifest themselves when we are feeling the most vulnerable. There is so much to manage: changes in financial situations, constant fights and misunderstandings, and multi-tasking both office and home responsibilities.

Nobody’s perfect, and that’s because we are humans. It is easier to deal with outside challenges than the doubts that are haunting our minds. Doubts also arise when trying something new, like learning to salsa dance. On the dance floor, a couple is invited to face each other. Look into each other’s eyes. You may be a new couple or have been together for a long time. A couple has to move forward amicably, keeping aside differences and fears. When we are insecure about ourselves, our relationships become complicated because we lose trust in others. Salsa dancing teaches us that trusting others comes from trusting yourself first.

Dance encourages body positivity

The mind and body change throughout our lives. Change is a constant. Body positivity is about accepting our physical bodies as they are. Suffering in silence or being bullied offline or online because of the type of body you have is difficult to handle. We feel our worst when our partners, indirectly or directly, criticise us about our changing bodies. This is immature behaviour.

Dance encourages body positivity because anybody can dance. It does not depend on your body type, but on the way you handle things with your partner. The more you practise together, the better you become at moving and carrying yourself while dancing around the room.

Accepting change and variety is part of life, and this fact is true about bodies as well. When a couple starts to learn salsa dance, wearing comfortable clothing and shoes is important. Complimenting your partner on the way they look brings a smile to their faces and a sparkle in their eyes. This is a wonderful way to gain trust and show confidence in your relationship. Social dances like salsa encourage partners to build strong bonds. Couples become sensitive to each other’s needs and appreciative of their efforts.

Communicating effectively 

COVID and lockdown have revealed a lot about handling tough situations. It has challenged relationships with spending time together and having patience, even when we are feeling deeply insecure. Some question their partner’s attitude towards spending all their time together, and some are happy to finally find more time for bonding.

Communication is important in relationships. Dance is a non-verbal way of communicating effectively with your partner. The first rule of salsa is knowing when to “lead” and when to “follow”. It does not matter if you are a heterosexual or a homosexual couple. In any relationship and in every situation, one partner leads in handling a situation and the other follows.

When dancing salsa, leading means communicating gently but effectively about the way you want to move. The partner who is following has to be a good listener and intuitively understand where the leader wants them to go. It is evident that partners may have disagreements about certain decisions that their partner is taking. But the more we listen to each other, the easier it becomes to not overthink. It’s like a trust fall. You need to trust that your partner is leading well, and together you will overcome whatever sudden changes come in life.

Respecting boundaries 

In both salsa dancing and relationships, it is important to give each other space. Each partner needs space to fulfil the other’s as well as their own independent dreams. That is only possible when you are determined to work things out. No work is small or big. One partner could be great at business, and the other could be great at art. Or maybe both partners are good at the same thing. The idea is to give the other person the mental space to think differently.

In salsa dancing, mistakes happen when a partner steps into another person’s space or shoes. When there is a lack of coordination because you are not listening to the rhythm and flow of music, things become heated. Likewise, dealing with kids in a relationship is a huge responsibility that takes a toll on parents when things go uncoordinated. It’s easier to say that life partners should work as a team. But it is difficult to continuously change expectations. There is no perfect solution to making a relationship successful. But things become manageable when we respect each other’s decision-making ability.

Building Trust 

The various ups and downs in life can be compared to different types of turns and lifts in salsa dancing. Each move requires you to understand the details first and then try to move smoothly. Both couples need to listen carefully and execute the move. It takes a lot of patience and perseverance to keep practising without getting frustrated. 

As the couples start to realise the everyday habits of each other, things become monotonous. It is easier to assume that your partner will make a decision that may be wrong. Or that your way is the only correct way. It is difficult to let go of old habits. And trusting becomes difficult. We fear our partner will end up saying, “I told you so” or “You always do that.” If your partner is accustomed to making certain decisions, you may have developed the habit of pointing out flaws. It takes a lot of effort to build trust that you have already lost. Negative thinking often seems to stick to our personalities more easily than believing that we can make positive changes in our habits and lives.

Accepting a partnership means believing in shared values that help in mutual growth. Everyone moves at their own pace in life and when learning to dance. You cannot change the dance steps. Neither can you lead your partner all the time. It has to be a fifty-fifty understanding. You can only do a salsa move successfully if you trust the other person and see him or her make an effort to understand things. When the other person tries to lift you or tries to turn and dip you, trusting your partner and laughing at silly mistakes is important. The other partner should also be there to lift you up when you are going through tough times.

Embracing change 

Whether moving to a new location for work, deciding to have more children, purchasing a new car, investing in a new business, or dealing with a medical condition, it is difficult to accept change that affects all family members. Expectations, compromises, dreams, hopes—everything is challenged. As a couple, we share burdens and try to be perfect parents for our children. Adulting is hard. Relationships are not fun, like salsa dancing.

Just like making a decision is sometimes difficult in life, you may think of quitting learning to salsa dance. But we don’t have a choice but to step out of the class in life. You can either take a step forward or backward.

Change is the only constant. And no matter what decision we take in life or in learning to dance, we can only be as happy as our partner. Salsa dancing teaches us that synchronisation of steps is somewhat like making a decision while keeping in mind our partner.

Growing together 

If a couple is successful in being happy in each other’s company despite difficulties, then they will grow together. The more you try to understand each other, the easier it becomes to overcome difficulties. The rules of life and dance are to be a good listener, communicate effectively, and dance together. It isn’t easy when society puts pressure on a couple, leading to misunderstandings and fights. 

It’s like somebody suddenly changed the music from low to high volume. Both of you are unable to hear each other and start screaming. Direct communication becomes impossible. This is the time to hold each other tightly; otherwise, one partner may get hurt or fall down.

Being part of a community is essential for a couple. Increasing your social circle also enriches your children’s lives. Couples in a dance studio are like meeting other people in real life. As you dance together, you have to take care of moving in a dance space. Both of you cannot bump into another couple. Both of you have to avoid the stuff kept around in the room. At the same time, both of you have to maintain rhythm and remember the dance steps. Growth lies in not comparing our lives to anyone else. Because our wants and needs are never-ending. Life is peaceful when it is kept simple.

Rekindling romance 

There is always time to recall the moment when you both fell in love with each other. Or, as new couples, you want to get to know each other better. Maybe you want to improve your confidence and health. What better way to rekindle romance than by joining a salsa dance class? The closeness between a couple is more than just physical. It is to understand the highs and lows of life together. It is about accepting differences. And through everything, you don’t leave each other’s side. 

Of course, this does not mean living in a toxic relationship. The decision to be in a relationship for whatever reason is based on both emotional and financial considerations. But respecting your partner is easier when they also respect yours. Love only feels suffocating when your partner is not giving you space to think independently.

Final Thoughts

I am no relationship expert. And I welcome your thoughts about relationships. This post felt like a re-evaluation of the decisions I have made in my relationships. I haven’t taken any references for this post. You may agree or disagree with me. Or call me a dance nerd, since I relate everything in real life to dance. 

Dancing is my lifestyle, and I love salsa dancing. The idea of writing a post on this topic was not to find any solution. Ultimately, all relationships work well when the mind, heart, and dance steps move in love.